For the Mom Who Doesnít Feel Beautiful Anymore!
ďI donít feel beautiful anymoreĒ.
ďI look older, unkempt so not like I used to beĒ.
I have heard those lines. In fact, as recent as a few days ago. May be youíve uttered them too.
I know a few moms who devout time to care for themselves. I mean, take out valuable time to pour their beauty processes on themselves. I still know more women who never have the time, money or effort to do likewise.
When all the makeup washes away you stare at the mirror bare, the true definition of beauty is revealed.
The battle with contentment, beauty, insecurities and self-esteem begin.
Quite frankly, I have been on both sides of this coin.
I know what it feels like to be out of sort.
Then one day I dropped it all.
It is all a gameÖa crazy one where no one wins.
A mom of one, two, three or more starts to feel less and less beautiful. Conundrum of lifeís puzzle.
First, what the world tells her constantly. Then, what her friends look like, or is it her familyís opinion about her person and/or may be her husbandís tease.
Then she looks in the mirror and can only see stretch marks and varicose veins, her tummy size, flattening bosoms Like chipping off the wooden block, they gradually scrape bits and pieces with sharp edged lies.
Then, she seeks affirmation about her physical look.
She worries about her inadequacies and locks herself away.
The old comparison demon walks in and takes a seat.
You canít beat the world in itís own insane game! This beauty it celebrates never lasts. Everyday, we age. We get fine wrinkles here and there. Our skin begins to give way to natural life causes.
Is that the kind of beauty you want?
Thatís the worldÖthatís all the noise of fancy boutiques, Super models, beauty shops Öyou name it.
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Dear mom who has stopped feeling beautiful there is a True Beauty that outlives you.
It is the kind your family, your community remembers long after you are gone.
If the Bible says beauty is vain, does it not imply that our hearts need to focus on something more important?
Worldly Beauty fades but True Beauty continually radiates.
To bring Vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal, to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look on. Esther 1:11
Thatís what Vashti missed. She thought the Kingdom would halt at her decision. She wanted a bow, a wow, and probably bend their knees to have her come out of her chambers.
Esther had the same gift of Beauty but she knew who she was.
A Queen and not a Beauty Piece.
Esther knew she was more than her facials, contours, gait etc.
The alluring beauty that is projected to us, is all false, deceptive and lacks substance because itís not the really thing.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Mom you are important and what makes you beautiful is beyond the selfie on instagram or facebook.
Your beauty is in your craft, in your service, in your care and love.
Your Beauty is in your sacrifices, both seen and unseen.
Your Beauty is in your endurance and tenacity even in very difficult times.
Your Beauty lies in the character, you graciously carry.
Beauty is all of that wrapped inside of you.
Beauty is who you are inside out.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Peter 3:3-4
Can it be measured by mere outward judging of another human eyes? No!
For the Mom who feels she is not beautiful, pay attention to the scale in which you measure yourself.
You may have to get yourself a new yardstick.
A new mascara, or designer dresses, or custom-made shoes, or tight abs doesnít make for true beauty.
Mascara doesnít hold when the mid wives says ĎPUSHí, nor does the shoes help when you make rounds at night checking all the little ones. Oh and that little designer dress would have to be kept aside in the kitchen.
Dear mom, all those canít measure how much sacrifice you have done in the home.
You have poured out love unconditionally.
Every day you click re-set button to begin your role as you have always done.
That is precious
You serve your family wholeheartedly.
That is ministering.
You serve the Lord in all.
You are Beautiful inside out and thatís enough.
8 Simple Tips For Every Mom
- Celebrate being you, everyday. Be thankful for where you are right now
- Exercise, walk out eat healthy.
- Redefine what beauty means. What the Word says about beauty.
- Donít sweat on all the small stuff. Donít obsess over the weighing scale
- Be kind to your body. Take at least 10 minutes a day to care for your body.
- Be gracious to your mind. Spend sometime flipping through pages of a good book. Care for your mind too.
- Pay attention to your spiritual well-being.
- Your wardrobe and sense of style may need to change. Ask for help!
Prayer: Dear Lord, tech my heart to rest in the true beauty that lies within. Teach me to focus on what matters in Jesus Name. Amen.
I have never known a survivor at least not in person until we became neighbors. Standing from afar, we never know how much other women endure. We donít how far and how hard their journey have been.
Thereís a lot beneath the surface.
Until we hear their stories we donít come close.
Sister hearts go beyond the surface shallow and plastic courtesies.
Sister hearts connections see the deep wells behind the wrinkles and understand the stories behind each scar.
She had beat the cancer. Thatís great right? No, I am afraid it had come back. And this time we werenít sure itís aggression.
Unexpected visitor, cancer.
Bible Reading: Psalm 40: 1-4, Ruth 1: 1-20
Nothing in Life prepares us for unexpected detours, as Godís Word.
It is hard being mom when the unexpected happens.
It is hard holding up in the face of the unexpected.
But we have a safe place to go.
For every mom suffering an invincible sickness, fighting against all odds to hold frail ends together.
For every mom who had laid long on the sick bed, who has become acquainted with the hospital smell.
May you have loved ones around you or may be you feel alone in this battle.
I donít know and canít tell how hard your journey has been.
But I know thereís hope even in this present darkness.
For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease. Job 14:7
We have been there in unexpected paths. Moms know sometimes family life can cloud our thoughts.
We canít predict accurately what lies ahead of us whether it is Good (we hope) or Not Good (we pray not). All I know is we are safest hiding under His wings (Psalm 91).
The world, the flesh, hold no good. We should never trust in anything they offer.
Every time something unexpected cross our path it reminds us of how unpredictable, unprepared, fallible, hopeless and defenseless we are without Christ.
For my dear friend, she became unable to perform all the roles that she loved the most. She was used to serving everyone else now things were different. By no means was she used to being helpless. But now she relied on others for her support.
This for the mom whose life has been harassed and humiliated by unexpected circumstances.
For the mom who feels less a mom,
For every mom whose life has become unexpected reality,
For every mom battling sickness, poverty, hunger, grief or changing seasons.
This is for you.
You are not alone. You are seen and your case is not hopeless. God has made the promise to carry you even until your gray hairs so whatever happens in between that, God will care for you dear mom.
Do you recall Naomi? She too has gone through lifeís fire. When Naomiís life became a nightmare, she turned to one place.
She turned back to go home.
She never gave up on the God of Israel.
No one can say they understand the magnitude of her loss unless they were in the same shoes. But we can all learn a thing from Naomi.
Never give up hope no matter what.
Ruth saw the fine wrinkles. She had known her smiles. But now she saw them turn to deep groves of grief, eye bags filled with tears masking Naomiís face.
The unexpected had happened.
All the money in the world did nothing to prepare or soothe her heart.
All the mourners stood afar off as she proclaimed on the top of her voice call me Mara!
May be your life is like Mara, right now and all hell has broken loose.
But it is not over.
Just when the enemy thought they had her God showed up. It is a surprise to see how this small town woman becomes a celebrity. I imagine everyone in her community picking their harps and tambourines dancing and singing around Naomiís quarters.
The enemy never knows how God will show up.
God not only takes us by surprise, He shocks the enemy.
Never be overtaken by what is happening. Remember, God still holds the Ace card. And itís still full of surprises.
God did turn around the life of that little childless widow.
He gave her the last laugh.
Two Powerful scriptures to declare over that circumstance or sickness.
Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me. Micah 7:8
And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you. Isaiah 46:4
I pray for you confronted with sudden life changes and unexpected situations that God would show up for you in Jesus name. I pray that the power of the Most High would deliver you from every pit of hell Psalm 30:1. The Lord almighty would set your feet upon the rock in the name of Jesus. Dear mom who feels she is not mom enough, the Lord will show up for you by His mercies in Jesus name. Amen
For The Mom Who Wants To Live On Her Own Terms
She was drained. A shadow of the once vibrant woman I was knew. ĎI have lost who I used to be. I am not the same personí. She said.
Something in her had slumbered. She admits to seizing the drive wheel. For pitís sake she wants life on her own terms. But every time she takes control, she slid back into that horrible sink hole.
We spent time going to the places we both dreaded.
Our conversation revealed the heart of the matter. The battle for control. Control the kids, your husband, your family, your in-lawsÖyikes the list is endless.
Is Control ever possible?
Can you control everything in your life including what happens?
Sister hearts would seek to create a safe place for each other to pour out our pain as we seek Godís face hand in hand.
You need some sister to look you in the face and tell you the truth! Thatís what we did. We both agreed to talk to God about it and practice intentional surrender.
I know the tempting feeling of wanting life to go on your terms. Many of us know the storms come unexpectedly. The winds of life blow hard and many times we can control the sailing ship. At best we end our ship in a wreckage.
Shall I speak to the woman who wants to be in charge of everyone, everything and whatever else that is in her world?
Can I speak a word of truth that would free your soul from the needless weight?
I know the world says it. It screams it loud and towers it over us. Live life on your own terms!
Three powerful reminders:
>>You can not sustain yourself
O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23
>>God is in control
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
>>God Has Plans For Your Life
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Bible Reading: Luke 12 : 16-21
Do remember the rich man who thought he had life figured out? He heaped, worked, heaped. Just when he thought ok, it is time to rest now.
He seemed to have his life moving A then B then C and so on.
We donít need an accident to tell us we are fragile.
We donít need a sudden economic fall to tell us we can do so much but not everything!
Sister, you need God all the step of the way.
Where is God in all your plans, and schemes?
Live life on Godís terms.
If your terms are not aligned to His Will then you will crash. For the mom who loves to be control, allow me be real to you.
You want control? You canít do it.
Trusting God means surrender even when you donít want to.
3 Practical Steps For You
Hands off the steering wheel. Yes, you should totally, take your butts off the driver seat. (Psalm 121:1)
Let God lead. Follow gently and quietly. (Psalm 23)
Be Still. Donít let the rushing of circumstances unsettle the peace of God in your heart. (Psalm 46:10)
I shared how I learned the beauty of surrender. I am still learning to leave all the little, not so little and big things for God to handle.
Our heart to heart conversation would always end in a prayer. Shall we pray?
Dear Jesus have mercy upon me for every time I thought I could handle life. For every time I took the steering wheel of my life, shower me with your mercies. You know my desires and I trust you have plans even greater than these desires for me. Give me a yielding heart. Take away my stubborn stony heart that wants to go it own way. I come before you today to give everything, my all, to you. Thank you Jesus for setting the pace for my life, home and family in Jesus name. Amen
For The Mom Afraid To Wear Her Shoes
My daughter has a knack for boots. She would always to slip her feet into my boots. Giggle with so much excitement. Cheering herself as though she had won a prize. Struggling to lift a tower-sized heel is an enormous job even for an adult, she would raise one foot after another.
Imagine yourself taking on a super-sized shoe or try fitting into three sizes down shoes!
You will look frumpy, with a funny gait and clumsy appearance.
Bible Readings: 2 Corinthians 10:12, Ephesians 2:10
No matter how much I would try a size down, I will hurt my feet. Why?
Obviously, the shoe size is inappropriate. It is not suited for me.
I canít derive contentment wearing that one-size down footwear. It is meant for another. Neither would not oversize do justice to my feet! Ha!
Our lives are a lot like those shoes.
Imagine a mom trying to make her child look, act, speak and become someoneís kid. It is never going to work. That kid wonít come out rightÖhis/her thought would be based on what others are doing and their perceptions of him/herÖ Iím sure no mom wants that.
Are you wearing your shoes?
Or are you trying hard to make another fit?
To the mom wearing another momís shoes or desiring themÖ
Dear mom, just as your shoe size is different, your life is.
Your life doesnít have to depend on someone elseís shoes.
You have got yours perfectly suited to accommodate the shape and size of your feet.
Your feet would hurt or suffocate if you keep trying other momís shoes.
Be the fun and real mom you are! Keep learning everyday. And growing too.
Never be afraid to wear your shoes. Rock them and love them.
You know what I mean.*smiling*
But godliness with contentment is great gain I Timothy 6:6
Eventually, youíd give up and be frustrated as my daughter who realized she couldnít take a step with mamaís shoes without dropping off one of the pair.
Her frustrations are comparable to those we experience when we attempt to live to live a life thatís not ours while leaving our God- given lives in a vacuum.
Donít try to walk in the shoes of other mom-friends, you might fall. Several attempts to tailor our lives according to others frustrate us.
Think about this: Whose shoes are you wearing today?
I donít want to wake up on morning and realize I have been working so hard to be someone else.
God has not called us to be duplicates. He has called you to be no-one else than the person He created you to be. Not a replica!
There are no two Moses, no two Elijahís, and no two Pauls etc. Every person has a unique assignment for their lives. God has made you unique, special and beautiful you donít need to walk, talk or act the way someone else does to fulfill your purpose.
In 1 Corinthians 3:3-9, Apostle Paul warns us of these divisions which generate envy and strife. In whatever we do, our service is for Godís glory and He alone will give us increase.
Having said all, it is enough to learn from those we admire but not lose ourselves in the process. Each man or woman should make their own mark and be a blessing those God sends their way.
Lord help me to live according to your plans for me. Dear Jesus, I fix my eyes on the path that you have chosen for me (Proverbs 4:25-26) hold my hands and lead me all the way in Jesus name. Amen
For the mom afraid of the future
It is was a frantic panic. Like an eagle facing the eye of the storm, I stuffed a few of my things into the suitcase. No inkling whatsoever. What had I said yes to?
Moving miles away from family, friends and away from familiar is a big deal.
ĎYes, I doí implies packing and going along.
The ring on this finger meant a commitment not ceremony.
I reminisce on those early years of marriage and began to wonder what Sarai felt when Abraham came home with the big news (before they were called Sarah and Abraham). Genesis 12:1
Bible Reading: Matthew 6:25-34
I imagine Abram coming home one day from the field, calmly looking at his wife and saying. ĎMy love, we are movingí.
You can mentally fill the gap. Hereís Sarai his wife, perhaps not newly married with no kids to call her momma. You would agree with me, moving would be the last thing on her mind.
Studying that one verse means a lot. God spelled out the people he would move from (his country, his kindred, his fatherís house).
Suggesting they belonged to a close knit family who did everything together. Maybe she had solace being among their siblings, sitting and eating together and the women probably doing cooking, laundry and housekeeping together.
Saying yes to God means leaving the beautiful, safe, super familiar and comfortable to the unmarked, less trodden and unknown but sure future.
Suddenly, Abrahamís Yes to God meant all of these Sarai had known all her life was going away.
Quick question: How hard was it for Sarai to go along with Abraham?
Friend, that must have been real hard!
She must have had questions, anxiety, uncertainty and loads of it. Imagine the conversation proceeding further this way:
Sarai: Where are we going?
Abram: Where Jehovah shows us!
Shocked, wide-eyed Sari turning gently toward her husband completely taken aback by his responseÖ.really? The Bible never mentions her objecting or stating her fears.
Hold on, or was she excited? Ok I canít tell!
But Sarah simply trusted.
She trusted the God of Abraham.
Trust means going along with God even when the future is unknown
Trust is following God especially in uncharted paths.
Trust is placing your hand in Godís hand and letting Him lead the way.
When God says donít worry about tomorrow, it means Heís Got it covered.
Thinking about the future can be scary particularly when you are not sure what it holds
I bet you, most of us are pretty anxious people.
We moms, are notorious for anxiety and worrying.
Perhaps you reading this has a fear of the future or
You are anxious about the doctorís report,
You are worried about our account statement, credit cards, bills, fees and everything financial,
You are afraid of a job loss and how we would cope,
You are anxious about our kids, their education, their health, their well-being,
Or may be itís marriage giving you concernsÖ.
Iím done the list is endless!
Nothing can be as worrisome as worrying itself.
Sadly, it is so unprofitable that it begins to wear our physical bodies out.
This is for you dear anxious mom, can you simply TRUST God?
Trust also means, you pray, believe, repeat.
Practical Changes You Can Make Today
- Declutter your lifeÖ desk, cupboards and room. I have been there too. Are you sucked in with work?I was fond of piling journals, books on one corner close to the bed. I thought I would jump right in and continue with work it when Iím fully rested.
No! It didnít work. I only built in anxiety, restlessness, needless sleep deprivationÖ.
Cluttering reflects the state of your mind.
- Unplug and take a walk or a nap. Get up already! Do you notice when you constantly look at your phone you get anxious about what is going to happen, who is going to call next or read a message or somehow you end up on social media feeds?
Walk away from unnecessary drama.
- Give room for your soul to breathe. Practice silencing the message alerts. Time your phone checks. Put away items that cause for anxiety and panics.
Grab a book sit in the porch and sip some fruit juice.
- Calm down listen. Donít over process things. Avoid spontaneous responses or quick fixes based on fear. Try going to a private place pray over the situation. It saves you heartaches.
Listen with both ears and assume nothing
- Quit Worrying over everyone and everything. Instead soak them up in prayer. Praying for your families, your childrenís future, your husbandís decisions, health issues and other concerns works miracles.
Soak up everything in Prayer
- Take one day at a time. Remember the future is not yours to worry about. Ask for your portion of Grace daily.
God Owns The Future, You Donít
3 Scriptures When you are afraid of the future
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof Matthew 6:34
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Philippians 4:6
A Prayer For You
Dear Lord, I pray for this mom who is reading this and wondering where her familyís next meal would come from, or rent or health issues, her kids, her husband, or whatever makes her heart to move away from Trusting you. Dear Jesus, calm that storm she is going through. Let your peace keep her heart. Let her experience a flooding of your grace. Let your favor greet her paths and let your mercy overtake her. Let there be testimonies in the lives of these who believe and call your name in Jesus Name. Thank you Jesus for answering our prayer. Amen
Break the Chains of Fear
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
I froze. Uncontrollable tears trickled down as I watched the horrific video sent to me. In between pity, anger, confusion, fears, I canít put the emotions I felt into words. This is someoneís daughter, son, neighbor, siblingÖ..I was hysterical.
You know that popular phrase, that keeps us glued to negative news, I have said these words, may be you have too.
ĎYou just need to know how much evil is aroundíÖ
Really? How much evil do we need to know?
How much is enough? When do we unplug?
The Bible says the whole world is soaked in wickedness.
And we know that we are of God, and the whole world lieth in wickedness. 1 John 5:19
What more? These things shouldnít quake our hearts or steal our peace.
We are not from Utopia societies, evil is everywhere but that should never be an excuse to glorify the enemy by spreading news or rumors of his works.
Iím a mom like you and it freaks me out. Turning the news seeing all the horrible things freaks me out and I get mad when the victims are children. What matters is not how mad we get. It is reassuring to remember we are Godís children. He still cares deeply for His own. When we see these things we are not to be moved.
Here is something the sad news does. It gradually nurtures our hearts to be suspicious of everyone and everything. So much so, a bunch of folks have stopped believing thereís any good around, or that miracles exist or that God even caresÖ
Friend, thereís Jesus, there is the Mercy seat, and Grace abounds right in this chaotic mess.
Thereís still light in this dark world. (Luke 1:79)
Jesus Christ is all we need. (John 14:27)
Do you see what fear does?
Fear locks you away.
It puts barriers that arenít there.
Sets boundaries and creates distance around people.
Fear is the enemyís weapon to a life bondage. We are an over-informed age, with constant news streaming in our faces.
Fear is one way people react to this information overload.
Thatís what the enemy thrives onÖFEAR
Do you notice how much fear we pass around? Every time we share, re-share, talk about all the negativity out there, we magnify the enemy. In fact, we freely promote him!
Yes we are guilty of it!
Imagine if we used up our social media time spreading the Good news of the Gospel.
Imagine, we spent more time praying for our children, families, churches, neighbors, communities etc.
Imagine, we all spent time contributing to our productively in our communities, schools and workplaces.
3 Practical steps You Can Take Today
Do not go over what the enemy is doing. Words have power. They either contain life or death (Proverbs 18:21). Before you re-share, click post or send button ask yourself
ĎAm I spreading the gospel of Faith or fear?í
Do not entertain Fear: Every time fear knocks, recall the scriptures to send it right back where it belongs, hell.
Use your Block and Delete Buttons where necessary: Personally, Iíd asked a few friends to avoid sending graphic videos and messages especially when the intent goes more than giving information to instilling fear. Block unnecessary channels and groups.
5 Biblical Truths That Break The Chains of Fear
- Jesus has conquered the worldÖ including every fear we ever think about. John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
- Fear only attract those evils. Cast out every fear. A believer doesnít have the Spirit of Fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)
- Jesus still calms every storm. Thereís power in the Name of Jesus to break every hold of fear over your life. Whether its fear over your life, children, family, marriage, community (Mark 4:39)
- Fill up your thought life with goodness and wealth from Godís Word. (Philippians 4:8 and Joshua 1:8)
- Be Intentional about the information you absorb. Be careful what your eyes, ears and mouth receive and spread. Iím sure you know what you consistently dwell upon becomes your reality. Proverbs 23:7
Todayís Prayer: Dear Lord, Prince of Peace, thank you for making your peace available to me. Bring to knees every situation that causes my heart to fear in Jesus Name. Break every chains of fear by the Power in the Name of Jesus. Thank you for granting my heart peace in Jesus name. Amen